


soothing

by Sonny



Series: WORD : GAMES [8]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-10
Updated: 2009-03-10
Packaged: 2017-10-16 20:41:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/169128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny





	soothing

~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~ 

**Word** is... **SOOTHING**

~&~&~&~&~&~&~

  
He doesn't know when it all began, but had an idea. 

First, he thought it was _**him**_. His own weirdness. Years of trying to recall a speck of memory where he could prove to himself he wasn't a "freak". He knew it had to have been in his life-- _his childhood_.

Second, he thought that it was _**the other person**_. Night after night of disappointment proved to him there was no such thing.

Third, he thought it might be _**a feeling**_ that was felt, but when half the people you knew made you constantly war with your own emotions, it's tough to pinpoint.

Fourthly, he thought it had everything to do with _**the actions**_ being done. Having a craving, feeding it. All too often, the leftover emptiness nearly suffocated him and his newest theory was blow out of the water.

It's not until he really thought hard, closing his eyes tight and clearing his mind of frivolous things that he realized it's not _one single thing_ , but _everything_ he has thought about combined. The only stipulation being that everything has to be specific, narrowed down to him and the other person--one resounding emotion and a very precise action carried out.

Yes. Brian Kinney _does_ have a heart and he _has_ loved--very well, in fact.

"I'm sorry-- _what did you say_?" Brian blinked his eyes rapidly.

From above, the cute, young pixie face stared down at him as he lay supine on the steel table. It sort of reminded him a bit of Michael--maybe.

"It's okay." She smiled sweetly. "I understand your fears. Most patients feel _exactly_ what you're feeling."

Brian tried to lay still, hands gripping the sides as they strapped him to the scanning table. "How long will this take again?" He felt a bit _exposed_ in this dumb hospital gown that seems no bigger than a handkerchief.

"Roughly thirty-five-to-forty-five minutes." The voice was still chipper, even when delivering rules and regulations.

" _Christ_..." Brian wanted to dramatically cross arms over his face and just hibernate for awhile, preferably wearing some pants. Leave it to him to have cancer in the one place he has been conscientious, and sensitive, about for years--and the room full of women--nurses, mind you.

"Would you like something to relax you, Mr. Kinney?"

"Nope." Brian hated to blow down the poor girl's candy gumdrop house, but... _jesus._ He cleared his throat, feeling some guilt for being a grump and mumbling a lot, or saying nothing at all but one syllable replies. "What do you usually tell other, uhm... patients?"

"Well, to close their eyes, ignore the loud noises and think of something **soothing**. Some place they've dreamed of going to or being with someone they love. That sort of thing."

_**Gah!--** _ perfect. More chances to feel the ache and loss of Michael not being here beside him. 

So while hazel eyes humorously watched them scurry out of the room, afraid of the radiation about to float about the air, Brian drifted his lids closed--a simple image in his head of laying on that stupid twin bed, Captain Astro sheets under him and being relaxed against Michael's chest. Michael's tiny legs laying along Brian's body as Michael leaned on the headboard and recounted the next issue of the fearless Captain's Adventures--one hand would have been combing through those honeyed locks as the pre-pubescent voice went through the whole series of tonal changes of each character.

And it was _**then** _ Brian knew he had a heart, that no one had stomped on it and let it break completely into pieces. No one needed to know it was still there, fully intact, loving someone completely, without limits. 

**~*~the end**


End file.
